The Twilight Series: Fangirl Version
by bemystar
Summary: Twilight, New Moon, and Eclipse. Pretty fluffy.
1. Twilight

_Introducing…_

**The Super-Duper Really Excruciatingly Cliché Version Of Twilight!**

Chapter One: The Beginning

* * *

Bella: Like, bye mom! I'll call you!

-in Forks-

Bella: OMG, Forks is so boring. But at least I got a car.

-at school-

Mike: Hey, Isabella! Want a tour? Let's make out!

Bella: It's Bella, dammit! And no, I'm falling for that rather-mysterious dude in my biology class – what's his name, Edgar? Edward?

Lauren: Why is that dipshit getting all the guys? Damn!

-the next day-

Bella: OMG! A CAR! NOOO!

Edward: I'll save you! -saves Bella-

Bella: Like, wow! How'd you get over here so darn fast? Wait, don't tell me- YOU'RE A VAMPIRE!

Edward: Um, no? What the hell are vampires? Hehehehe…

Bella: Whatever.

-later-

Mike: Wanna go to prom with me?

Bella: Um, no.

Eric: Wanna go to prom with ME, Bella?

Bella: Wanna go jump off a cliff, Eric?

Tyler: How about me?

Bella: For the last damn time, NO!

-blood typing in biology-

Bella: OMG, BLOOD! -faints-

Mike: I'll carry you to the nurse's office, Bella!

Edward: Go crawl in a hole, Mike, I got this. -picks up Bella-

Bella: Wait, why are you carrying me?

Edward: 'Cause I loooove you.

Bella: What?

Edward: Nothing. You got amnesia.

Bella: Okay!

-shopping with Jessica-

Bella: I'm gonna go wander off aimlessly and find a nice dark, scary alley to walk in even though that's totally dangerous, okay Jess?

Jessica: Okay. Have fun!

-in alley-

Freaky Stalkers 1, 2, & 3: Hey darlin', wanna go for a _ride_?

Bella: OMG! RAPISTS!

Edward: -poofs in out of nowhere- GET IN THE CAR, BELLA!

Bella: Okay!

Edward: I'm taking you to dinner.

Bella: Um, okay!

Chapter Two: I Like My Men Cold, Dead, and Sparkling

-in the meadow-

Bella: Like, OMG! You _are _a vampire! And you're sparkly!

Edward: Heck, yes. You like?

Bella: Ooh, baby, I LOVE! Wanna make out?

Edward: Hell yes!

-makes out-

Bella: That was fun!

Edward: Wanna play baseball?

Bella: Sure!

-in the Cullen's clearing thing, playing baseball-

-Victoria, James, and Laurent show up-

V, J, & L: GIVE US THE GIRL!

Edward: Never!

Chapter Three: The Fight

James: I'M GOING TO LIKE, KILL YOU BELLA, WOAH.

-James bites her-

Edward: NO! -snaps James' neck-

Bella: -in the hospital- Um, where am I?

Edward: YOU'RE ALIVE! BELLA! I LOVE YOU!

Bella: EDWARD! I LOVE YOU TOO!

Edward: I am so sorry, Bella. I should leave you even though that would kill both of us inside and we love each other.

Bella: You better not, Eddie! Bite me!

Edward: No! Let's go to prom!

Bella: Fine.

-at prom-

Bella: This is boring. Wanna make out?

Edward: Even though I'm planning to leave you forever, sure!

-makes out-

* * *

**THE END!**

**A/N:** Yay. New Moon and Eclipse are posted, too, enjoy!


	2. New Moon

_Introducing…_

**The Super-Duper Really Excruciatingly Cliché Version Of New Moon!**

* * *

Chapter One: Eddie Goes Bye-Bye

Edward: I don't love you, Bella.

Bella: Excuz-eh moi, WHAT?

Edward: I'm leaving. Bye!

Bella: HOLY HELL, NOOOO! SOB!

Chapter Two: Jacob The Creeper

Jacob: BELLA! Even though you're TOTALLY depressed since that leech-that-does-not-deserve-to-be-named left you and you don't love me, I'm gonna _pretend _to imprint on you!

Bella: Wait, what?

Jacob: MARRY ME!

Bella: No! I love Edward, and ONLY Edward, no matter what happens! Even though he said he doesn't love me and he left for eternity! You can't make me marry you!

Jacob: Oh yes, I will. One day, I SHALL! -maniacal laugh-

-a week later-

Bella: Like, ehmagawd, life SUCKS. I'm gonna go for a walk in the woods near my house even though Edward told me not to – OMG, EDWARD! -sobsobsob-

-walks deep into woods-

-Jacob magically appears from behind a rock-

Jacob: Bella! I told you I would find you. Muahahaha, you are MINE!

-forces mouth on hers, similar to like what happened in Eclipse-

Bella: JACOB! YOU NEVER TOLD ME YOU WERE A RAPIST! And you're only SIXTEEN!

Jacob: I am not a rapist! And who cares if I'm sixteen.

Bella: You suck balls, Jake. I can't believe you. You're not my friend anymore!

-Bella stomps off-

Jacob: But, but, but, BELLA! I LOVE you!

Bella: Whatever. -cutcutcut-

-Jacob walks away-

-sees random 'familiar' girl on street and falls in love-

Jacob: Like, woah! I'm IMPRINTING! For realz!

-walks up to familiar girl-

Jacob: I LOVE YOU.

-makes out-

-gets married-

-has babies-

Chapter Three: Suicidal Bella

Bella: I CAN'T DO THIS ANYMORE!

-jumps off cliff-

-Alice randomly flies in and saves Bella-

Alice: WOAH, Bella, you almost like, killed yourself there.

Bella: ALICE! -hughughug-

Alice: So, Edward's like, a freaking mess without you. He curls up in a fetal position and wallows in depression all day.

Bella: WAIT. I thought he didn't love me?

Alice: That was a lie, silly! He does want you.

Bella: -lightbulb flickers on over head- OMG! LET'S GO TO HIM!

Alice: Okay!

-at the Cullen's house-

Alice: Oh, Eddie-poo? You'll never guess who I have here!

Carlisle: Edward left for Volterra, Alice. He's gonna kill himself.

Bella: WHAT?!

Alice: Like, wow, how did I not see that coming?

Bella: Let's go save him, Alice!

-at the Volturi-

Edward: Kill me, O great ones!

Bella: NO! EDWARD! -jumps on him-

Edward: Bella!

Volturi people: -bored to invisible tears- So you _don't_ wanna die?

Edward: Nope!

-insert BellaxEdward smutty lemon here, totally ignoring the fact that he thinks he'll kill Bella and that the whole city is watching them-

Chapter Four: Emo Jacob

Jacob: -sob- Like, OMG, the girl I imprinted on left me, even though that's like, impossible! I'm gonna go jump off a cliff just to see what happens since I have no life whatsoever!

* * *

**THE END!**

**A/N: **That was fun! :D


	3. Eclipse

_Introducing…_

**The Super-Duper Really Excruciatingly Cliché Version Of Eclipse!**

* * *

Chapter One: Dealing with Jacob

Bella: Okay Jake, here's the deal. I love Edward. You need to leave me alone. KAY?

Jacob: NEVER! I shall keep trying!

Bella: Okay, ding dong. Even though you're so annoying to the point where I want to gouge your eyes out, I'll still be your friend!

Chapter Two: Kidnapped

Alice: You're coming home with ME, Bella!

Bella: Oh. Joy. -sulks-

-later that night…-

Edward: Sorry, did I wake you? (**A/N:** Because that's just all he cares about..)

Bella: Yeah, no, who cares? I LOVE YOU.

-Edward let's his insanity from a century of sexual repression take over-

Bella: -le gasp- You're breaking the boundaries?

Edward: -sigh- No, I just can't. I'll kill you.

Bella: Ugh, well, that blows.

Chapter Three: Jacob Tries Again

Jacob: KISS ME!

-kisses Bella-

Bella: Get the hell offa me! EDWARD!

Edward: Jacob Black, I will not hesitate to rip your arms off and snap your neck if you touch her again.

Jacob: Whatever. It was worth it.

Chapter Four: Married(!!)

Bella: EDWARD, please! -rips off shirt-

Edward: Marry me first.

Bella: Um, what?

Edward: Will you like, marry me?

Bella: If it'll make you sleep with me, sure!

Chapter Five: Tent Time

Bella: F-f-f-fuck, it's cold!

Jacob: You could take your clothes off, if you want.

Edward: -GROWL-

-later-

Jacob: I'm gonna kill myself if you don't kiss me, Bella, because I'm just that idiotic.

Bella: NO! Kiss me, Jake! (gagging inside)

-kisskisskiss-

Jacob: About time! Okay, bye Bella.

-more later-

Bella: EDWARD, OMG, forgive me babe!

Edward: Of course I do.

Bella: How about we do it _now_?

Edward: (being the prude he is) We'll do it, Bella, but not now.

Bella: RAWR.

-Jasper appears out of thin air-

Jasper: Damn you guys, all this sexual tension is killing me. Will you get it over with already?

-Jasper disappears-

Edward and Bella: oO

Chapter Six: Bye- Bye, Victoria

Everyone: FIGHT!

-Victoria's head comes off-

Bella: Hot damn, there's something I never expected to see.

Edward: ARE YOU OKAAAAAY?

Bella: Yesh, how are you?

Edward: I'm fine, of course, since I'm a super amazing vampire and Victoria is no match for me!

Bella: How's Jake?

Edward: Umm…

-at Jacob's house-

Bella: OMG, Jake, I don't love you! Bye!

Jacob: Goddammit.

Chapter Seven: Alice's Plans

Alice: OMG, Bella, your wedding's gonna be awesome! Just because I'm planning it, of course.

Bella: Sure. Okay.

-in the meadow-

-Edward jumps on Bella-

Edward: Oh, Bella, I'm a horrible person. Let's do it NOW.

Invisible Jasper: FINALLY!

Bella: Wait, no, I'm doing this the "RIGHT" way!

Invisible Jasper: NOOOO!

Edward: Ugh, fine. I was actually looking forward to this, you know.

Bella: Sorray.

-makes out because that's all they can do-

* * *

**THE END!**

A/N: Finally done. I hope that didn't bore you guys to tears. :D


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